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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085799">in my blood</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasi/pseuds/yasi'>yasi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, M/M, Songfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:33:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>884</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasi/pseuds/yasi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Callum doesn’t really know a lot about love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in my blood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/4XII12nbsvJblXfG1I2QR4?si=yAFGu__sRMi2_3BAcIFFSA">inspired by about love by marina</a>
</p><p>~*~*~</p><p>Callum had been afraid of people’s reaction when he first came out. He’d been afraid they’d treat him differently, not laugh and joke with him anymore. He’d been afraid his friends would avoid him.</p><p>He didn’t expect them all to be supportive. Even his brother, who was sometimes backwards and most of the time a brute had had his back. Callum still can’t believe it. But he knows he’s underestimated Stuart and his love for him. He should have trusted that Stuart would be there for him now just as he’d been back when they were kids and their dad had been the monster they’d had to face every day.</p><p>Now that Callum’s over his fears of being rejected by his family and friends, Callum is free to be whatever he wants to be.</p><p>And what he wants is to be with Ben. He can finally admit it to himself without the guilt eating him up from the inside. Thinking of Ben makes Callum smile. He feels butterflies in his stomach, like a teenager in love for the first time.</p><p>Ben had come into his life like a force of nature, bringing chaos and destruction with him. He’d challenged everything Callum thought he knew about himself and what he wanted from life. He’d made Callum question everything, leaving him with sleepless nights. Nights filled with guilt for what he’d done to Whitney. That he’d cheated on her, betrayed her trust in him. But at the same time, he hadn’t been able stop thinking about Ben’s lips, his hands. How his kisses had tasted, how his callused hands had felt on Callum’s body. How elated he’d been, how right being with Ben had felt.</p><p>However, the guilt had won over, he’d buried all the good feelings of their encounter behind closed and double-locked doors. Put up signs that read keep out, think of Whitney. By wanting to not hurt her anymore, he’d ended up hurting her so much more.</p><p>Because Ben had been constantly up in his face, appearing out of nowhere, reminding Callum of how his life could be if he stopped being a coward. And yet, Callum hadn’t been able to let go. No matter how much his heart had been yearning to be free, his mind had been keeping him on a tight leash.</p><p>And when it had looked like Ben was giving up on Callum, leaving him be, just the way Callum had wanted him to, Callum had felt his resolve crumble. When Ben had stopped appearing out of nowhere, stopped talking to him, Callum had felt betrayed.</p><p>And wasn’t that ridiculous? He’d been the one in a relationship, the one with a girlfriend. The one who wanted to be left alone. But as soon as he’d got that, Callum had wanted Ben back. He’d wanted Ben to talk to him, to annoy him.</p><p>Because no matter what his mind had been saying, his heart had known that Ben had been right all along.</p><p>But only tragedy had been able to penetrate his mind, breaking his chains. He’d been so close to losing Ben, the way he’d lost Chris without ever being able to love him freely. That had been the last push Callum had needed.</p><p>Thinking about Chris makes his heart hurt but it also empowers him to go after Ben. He knows Ben is the right person for him, no matter what people say.</p><p>They don’t know Ben like Callum does. They have no idea what’s hiding behind the mask of hardman Ben Mitchell. They ignore that Ben is a good father to Lexi, the way he cares about his mother. Everybody knows the Mitchell’s motto, family above anything, but no one connects it with love. Because that’s what suits them, they like thinking of the Mitchell men as monsters.</p><p>But Ben isn’t his father, Callum has seen it over and over again. Yes, he does things that ‘normal’ people wouldn’t do. But who gets to decide what’s normal? And if Callum has to choose between living a life with Ben and him being who he is or being without Ben but having a clear conscience? Callum will always choose a life with Ben in it. No regrets.</p><p> </p><p>They’re sitting in the pub, having a drink with Jay and Lola, talking about a holiday they want to go on. At least that’s what they’d been talking about last, before Callum’s mind had drifted away.</p><p>Ben leans into Callum, bringing him back to now. He smiles at Callum softly. The way Callum loves that smile; he’d write sonnets if he were a writer. That's when Callum becomes aware of the song playing on the radio in the background.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I don’t really know a lot about love, </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>a lot about love, a lot about love, </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>but you’re in my head, you’re in my blood, </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>and it feels so good, it hurts so much. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>And Callum thinks yeah, that’s how Ben makes him feel. He leans into Ben’s space and steals a soft kiss, just a quick peck of lips. Ben looks at him questioningly, but Callum can see he’s pleased. Callum shakes his head, smiles back at him.</p><p>Yeah, Ben is in his head, in his blood. And Callum wouldn’t want it any other way.</p>
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